


Eddie and Venom Save Christmas

by susieboo



Category: Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Eddie Brock/Venom Symbiote in Love, Explicit Language, Feminist Icon Venom, Helpful Venom Symbiote (Marvel), Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, IT'S BEAUTIFUL, One Shot, Other, POV Third Person, Sweet Venom Symbiote (Marvel), i wrote this instead of working, my attempt at being funny, the day i get fanart of this fic is the day i die happy, venom eats a fuckboy, venom wears a santa hat in it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-07 11:34:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16853263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/susieboo/pseuds/susieboo
Summary: "You ate Santa. I can't believe you ate Santa.""HE WAS A BAD SANTA.""Was he?! Because last I checked, Billy Bob Thornton wasn't anywhere around here, and eating Santa is VERY much a Christmas no-no!"Eddie and Venom ruin Christmas. But then they save it, so it's fine.[Oneshot. I have no idea why I wrote this.]





	Eddie and Venom Save Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is dedicated to all you Venomfuckers out there, as well as you good people who just clicked on this because you saw the title and were like, "...Okay, _fine_." And to my friend Annie, who saw this movie with me and enables all my worst impulses.
> 
> Also, I should be upfront, this isn't a Proper Symbrock Fic, but, like. They're married. It's not a plot point or anything, but trust me, they are.

Eddie was hiding in an empty storefront at the mall, and he currently had three problems. Ranked in order of severity, from the least important problem to the most important problem, they went as followed.

  1. The mall's loudspeakers were currently blasting "Santa Buddy" by Michael Bublé. Now, don't us wrong, Eddie loved Bublé as much as the next guy (the man had a voice that sounded the way mac and cheese tasted, what could he say), and it's not that he was overly-fond of the original "Santa Baby," but the way he saw it, if you were going to sing a song about seducing St. Nick, you may as well go all the way with it. "Santa Baby" was the anthem of women who, yes, were sort of icky, but at least knew what the fuck they wanted. "Santa Buddy" was the anthem of cowards.
  2. Venom was hungry, and Eddie had been stupid enough to put off lunch in favor of finishing up his Christmas shopping, because it was 5 PM on Christmas Eve, and Eddie still hadn't finished yet, because he was a trainwreck of a human. This led directly into Problem #3, which was...
  3. A guy dressed in a cheap, velvet Santa Claus costume was currently laying at his feet. He was very, totally, extremely, 100% dead, and he seemed to have misplaced his head.



"Venom," he said. "Explanation. _Now_."

"YOU'RE NOT YOU WHEN YOU'RE HUNGRY."

Eddie rolled his eyes, taking a step back. The pool of blood that was in the spot where Santa's head should've been was only getting bigger, and he really didn't want to ruin another perfectly good pair of shoes. "I said _explanation_ , not _outdated meme_."

"I TOLD YOU, I NEEDED FOOD."

"Yes. And I said we'd eat _after_ we finished shopping."

"YOU SHOULD'VE FINISHED SHOPPING TWO WEEKS AGO."

He sighed. "I know."

"YOU _KNEW_ THE MALL WOULD BE PACKED."

"I know."

"AND THEY'RE OUT OF HALF THE STUFF YOU WANTED TO GET ANYWAY. YOU REALLY COULD'VE PLANNED THIS BETTER."

"I kno--wait. Wait. Why am I the one getting lectured?" Eddie looked back at the corpse on the floor, just to reconfirm what he already knew. "You ate Santa. I can't believe you ate Santa."

"HE WAS A BAD SANTA," Venom said, sounding a tad defensive, but also quite proud of himself.

"Was he?! Because last I checked, Billy Bob Thornton wasn't anywhere around here, and eating Santa is VERY much a Christmas no-no!"

"IS IT? HM. GOOD TO KNOW. CONSIDER THAT LESSON LEARNED. JUST LIKE THE LESSON YOU LEARNED ABOUT PROPER TIME MANAGEMENT."

Eddie crouched down, trying his best to survey the damage. Venom had made a pretty clean job of it, all things considered. Ripped the poor bastard's head off, and, judging by the pit in his stomach, he was still working on digesting it. (Ugh.)

"Why, out of all the annoying people in this mall -- and there have been _many_ \-- did you choose to eat _Santa_?"

"I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION HE MIGHT TASTE LIKE COOKIES."

"...Did he?"

"NOPE."

"I'm oddly disappointed by that."

"HONESTLY? ME TOO. WELL, WASTE NOT, WANT NOT. WE SHOULD WORK ON CLEANING UP THE EVIDENCE."

Eddie sighed, casting a glance over his shoulder. The grate to the empty storefront was still pulled down, and it didn't sound like anyone was headed towards them. Venom had at least gotten better at being discreet since he'd "moved in." When he decided to eat Santa -- Eddie still could not believe that he'd _decided to **eat Santa**_ \-- Venom had waited until Santa ducked in here for a smoke break (and judging from the smell of weed on his red suit, it wasn't the legal kind) before taking over, following the unsuspecting idiot, closing the grate behind them... and going to town on him like an all-you-can-eat buffet. Which, Eddie supposed, all of humanity technically _was_ to Venom.

"Fine," he said, before letting Venom take over once again, so he could finish off the leftovers. Trying to look on the bright side, Eddie supposed that this meal would probably be enough to tide them over for a couple days.

Venom made quick work of gobbling the corpse up, burping loudly before letting Eddie take the reins again. Eddie sunk to sit on the floor, feeling more full than any human anywhere had ever felt. Venom, as he often did when he wanted to talk to Eddie face-to-face, appeared on his shoulder. His slime/matter/whatever the hell he was made of branched out of Eddie like a tentacle, in a way that would be _extremely_ difficult to describe if it were visualized by a vastly untalented fanfiction author.

"DON'T WORRY SO MUCH," he said cheerfully. "I GOT FOOD, AND WE DIDN'T GET CAUGHT. WE CAN GET BACK TO SHOPPING NOW. JUST WARN ME BEFORE YOU PICK OUT MY PRESENT -- I PROMISE NOT TO LOOK."

Eddie rolled his eyes. " _Can_ you even not look?"

"I CAN CERTAINLY TRY."

As Eddie stumbled to his feet, he noticed something a few feet away from where Santa's body used to be. A large red sack, tied together with a yellow ribbon. Half-expecting it to be full of drugs, Eddie grabbed it, opening the sack and peering inside.

Gifts. Five wrapped gifts, with ribbons and tags.

"Oh, sh--Venom, I think he was delivering these."

Now that he said it, Eddie could remember seeing a table near the front of the mall. _"Have Santa deliver your gifts in person! Only $20!"_ Every young man in the San Francisco area who needed extra cash had probably signed up to take a bag out. They'd been going around the city all week long, and probably would be until late tomorrow night.

"WELL, THAT'S UNFORTUNATE. BUT WHAT CAN YA DO, RIGHT?"

"Well, for starters, we're gonna drop this off at the table. Even if _that_ Santa can't deliver it, some other Santa can."

* * *

The Santa delivery system was being run by a very exhausted, very exasperated young woman, who looked even more exhausted and exasperated when Eddie approached the table with the bag in hand.

"Can I help you?" she asked in a way that sounded more like, _"Can you please piss off and die?"_

Even so, Eddie offered a smile. "Sorry to bother you, I just, uh, I found this laying around--"

He was cut off by the woman snatching the bag out of his hand. She looked inside, and let out a groan. "God dammit, Jordan!" she muttered, half to herself.

"Unruly employee?" Eddie guessed.

The woman snorted. "Unruly. That's a nice way of putting it. He's been late every day -- it was only a matter of time before he blew us off entirely," she said. "I _knew_ hiring him back was a bad idea, but, _noooooooo_. Try to have any sense of decorum around here, and it's all, _'Aw, come on, Leslie, it's Christmas! We should give him another chance!'_ Fuckers..."

"SEE? BAD SANTA. SYMBIOTE APPETITE, ALWAYS RIGHT."

"Shut up!" Eddie hissed, a little too loudly.

Leslie's eyes flashed as she looked back up at him. " _Excuse_ me?"

"Sorry! Sorry!" he said quickly, making a mental note to kick Venom's ass later. Somehow. "I wasn't talking to you."

"There's _no one else here_."

"S-so! Will you just give the bag to one of your other Santas?"

She let out an annoyed huff, shrugging. "I guess. All the others have gone out for their last deliveries of the night. I guess whoever gets back first will have to make one more trip. So _that'll_ be a fun conversation..."

Eddie paused.

"EDDIE," Venom said. "NO."

"Hey," Eddie said, "if you're stretched that thin--"

"EDDIE, _NO_."

"--I'm not busy--"

"EDDIE, YOU DID NOT CONSULT ME ON THIS, AND I AM SAYING NO!"

"--and I'd be glad to make the deliveries."

Leslie frowned, surprised. "Really? You'd be willing to do that?"

" _NO_!"

"Sure! I have a car, and I've got GPS."

"Well... I mean, if you're sure, I could call my boss and make sure it's okay..."

While Leslie fumbled around in her purse for her cell phone, Venom made a last-ditch effort to salvage the evening.

"EDDIE, WE HAVE A LOT TO DO TODAY. WE ARE NOT SPENDING OUR EVENING RUNNING AROUND IN AN UNCOMFORTABLE RED SUIT, DELIVERING PRESENTS TO EVERY LOSER IN SAN FRANCISCO. IT'S NOT HAPPENING!"

* * *

 

Ten minutes later, Eddie was in an uncomfortable red suit, running around and delivering presents to every loser in San Francisco. Well, _five_ losers. According to Leslie, she'd suspected that Jordan would be unreliable from the word "go," so she'd given him the smallest delivery possible. After getting the "okay" from her boss, she gave Eddie a Post-It with the addresses for each package scribbled onto it, and a spare Santa uniform, complete with a white beard. There wasn't a hat, unfortunately -- Leslie said they had a tendency to go missing.

"REMIND ME AGAIN WHY WE'RE WASTING TIME TO DO THIS," Venom said, as Eddie drove towards the first location.

"Because, we _ate Santa_ , the least we could do is deliver the gifts."

"WHY IS EATING SANTA SO BAD COMPARED TO EATING EVERYONE ELSE WE EAT? IT'S NOT LIKE THE GUY WAS A PRIZE."

"There are lines, Venom! I can tolerate cannibalism and the overuse of scare tactics, but ruining Christmas? That's my limit!"

"...REALLY? THAT?" If Venom had been visible at the moment, he definitely would've been rolling his eyes. "I'M PRETTY SURE FIVE PRESENTS NOT MAKING IT TO THEIR INTENDED RECIPIENTS ISN'T ENOUGH TO _RUIN CHRISTMAS_."

"Hey, you never know! For one of these people, it might be enough to ruin their Christmas. Either way, I'm not letting that happen. We're fixing this, Venom, so get on board and into the Christmas spirit!"

"...FINE. BUT YOU LOOK STUPID. WITHOUT THE HAT, YOU JUST LOOK LIKE A HOBO WITH A CHEAP SUIT."

"I'm inclined to agree, but they were out of hats."

"THE ONE I ATE IS PROBABLY IN HERE SOMEWHERE..."

"I cannot believe I'm saying this for the _fifth_ time in six short, _short_ months, but--we are not recycling anything that's literally been _inside_ of us. That's disgusting."

"YOU'RE DISGUSTING."

"Fuck you."

"FUCK YOU."

The first location turned out to be a small French restaurant that was currently packed to the walls. A young man with a beard and a set of glasses that he probably thought made him look smart was standing out on the sidewalk in front, and his eyes lit up as soon as Eddie got out of his car.

"Hey! You the Santa delivery guy?" he asked.

"Yep," Eddie said. He held up the tiniest box in the bag. "Got a package here for Penny?"

"Excellent! Great, okay. I have, like, a whole thing planned--Penny's in there." The guy gestured into the restaurant. "So I'm gonna go in there, you just hang back and come in with the gift as soon as I tell you to, okay?"

"No problem. This for your girlfriend?"

"You could say that."

Looking quite out-of-place in the costume, Eddie stood awkwardly near the entrance as the young man scanned the dining room for Penny. When he found her, he grinned broadly. Eddie's stomach twisted when he realized that Penny was the young blonde who was currently having a very romantic-looking dinner with another man. Something told him that this wasn't gonna end well.

Penny flushed with red as soon as the young man approached her. "Oliver?" she asked, sounding shocked, and  _not_ in an _'oh my God, it's been so long, please sit down so we can catch up'_ sort of way. "What... what are ya doing here?"

"Surprised to see me?" Oliver asked, looking so smugly proud of himself that Eddie kind of hoped Penny would hit him.

"Considering I dumped you six months ago... yeah."

Eddie hit himself in the forehead, muttering to himself (fortunately, he'd gotten used to speaking quietly, and the restaurant's music drowned him out). "Oh my God..."

Oliver pressed on. "Penny, I screwed up. I know I did. But I won't give up until you give me another chance."

Penny tossed her napkin onto the table. "Oliver, you fucked my younger sister _at my birthday party_. There's no second chance after that, especially not when I already have a new boyfriend." She gestured to the man sitting across the table from her, who gave an awkward little wave. "And you can't just--just ambush me like this, especially not on Christmas Eve!"

"Pen, I know Christmas means a lot to you--"

"No, no, I'm... I'm pretty sure I hate it now, thanks."

"--so I knew this was the perfect day to make what I have to say extra-special. And I had to say it in person."

"Yeah, and I'm sure the fact that I blocked your number and deleted you on Facebook had _nothing_ to do with that," Penny snapped.

Eddie groaned aloud. This just kept getting worse and worse.

"BAD GUY?" Venom asked.

" _Oh_ , yeah," Eddie whispered back. "Garden variety fuckboy."

"I THINK I HATE HIM."

"Same."

Even so, Oliver gestured for Eddie to come over. Eddie shook his head at first, not wanting to condone this madness, but by now, Penny had turned to look, and had definitely spotted him.

Figuring the only way out of this was just to push through it, Eddie dragged himself over, letting out a morose "ho ho ho" as he held up the box. Just as he was about to hand it to Penny, though, he stopped, suddenly staring at it and realizing how small and... square it was.

Slowly, he turned his gaze to Oliver. He decided to just get right to it.

"Excuse me for intruding, but... is this an engagement ring in here?"

Oliver went red. " _Dude_! Way to be discreet."

Penny buried her face in her hands, looking about ready to kill something. Eddie fully sympathized, and handed the box to Oliver.

"Look, I don't think I can deliver this--"

"Fuck, man, what do they even pay you for?"

Eddie gave him a smug smile. "They _don't_. I volunteered."

"I cannot believe you," Penny said in the quiet-but-deadly tone that all women everywhere seemed to be blessed with. Thanks to Anne, Eddie was quite familiar with it. "You were really gonna propose to me? Here? _Now_?"

"Penny, I love you, I had to show you--"

"Oliver, we are _over_! What's it gonna take for you to realize that?!"

Venom piped up as Oliver and Penny continued arguing. "YOU KNOW, I'M STILL FULL FROM DINNER, BUT MAYBE WE COULD HAVE SOME DESSERT..."

Eddie gave a small shake of his head, letting the sound of the argument cover his response. "Tempting. But a bad idea. Too many witnesses. But, trust me, I am 100% with you in spirit."

Management was now asking Oliver to leave, much to everyone else's relief. Desperate to have the last word, he snapped to Penny, "This is what I get for trying to do something romantic and nice for you. I just wanted to work things out! Fucking bitch..."

He turned on his heel and stormed towards the exit, leaving a very upset Penny sitting there, while her current boyfriend tried to comfort her.

Unsure of what to do, Eddie opened his mouth to apologize to her, but then thought better of it and closed his mouth again.

Then, his gaze followed Oliver out of the restaurant.

"YOU KNOW," Venom offered, "WE DON'T HAVE TO _EAT_ HIM TO TEACH HIM A LESSON IN BOUNDARIES."

"...I like the way you think."

And with that, Eddie followed Oliver back out into the street, preparing to teach him a lesson he wouldn't soon be forgetting.

* * *

 "YOU KNOW," Venom said brightly, "IF ALL OUR DELIVERIES ARE LIKE THAT, I COULD ACTUALLY GET BEHIND THIS WHOLE SAVING CHRISTMAS THING."

"Well, hopefully, they won't be. Our next stop is at a church."

When they arrived, the chapel was preparing for its second Christmas Eve service of the night. The place was crawling with people, including several altar boys, who all looked extremely bored in their white robes. They were being herded by a very run-down minister, who looked like he'd stolen a nip of communion wine to cope with this job.

Approaching the group, Eddie said to the minister, "Merry Christmas! I was sent to deliver a package to..." He checked the bag. "Jackson!"

Two boys, both about eight years old, raised their hands.

Uh-oh.

"Oh... um... there's no last name on the package--"

Before he could even finish the sentence, one of the boys, whom he dubbed Jackson #1 in his head, snatched the package out of his hand. The minister made a half-hearted attempt to chastise him, but didn't stop him from ripping the package open.

It was some Transformers thing that Eddie wasn't too familiar with, but apparently it was a good gift, because Jackson #1's face lit up the instant he saw it. And the other boy, Jackson #2, immediately scowled, face going red.

"That was for me!" he exclaimed. "My dad promised me--" He reached for the toy, but Jackson #1 swatted him away. "Give it! It's mine!"

"No way!" He shoved Jackson #2, holding the toy out of his reach. "Get away!"

It was then that it occurred to Eddie that delivering the gift in front of the entire group was maybe, _maybe_ a bad idea.

"Oh-kay, maybe we should let a grownup hold onto this until we find out who it's really for?" he suggested, trying his best to stay in character.

But it was too late. Jackson #2 had lunged at Jackson #1, sending both the boy and the box to the floor. Jackson #1 held on tight to the package, focusing on keeping it away from Jackson #2... who was focusing on hitting Jackson #1 in the face.

"Okay, wow, yep... this is happening," Eddie said aloud, watching as the Jacksons continued to wrestle over the package.

By now, the minister was trying to pull the Jacksons apart, while the rest of the altar boys had ever-so-helpfully decided to pipe up with a chant of, "Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!".

And then, with all the enthusiasm of a little kid, came that familiar voice in Eddie's head.

"WAIT... THIS HOLIDAY LEADS TO CHILDREN COMMITTING SENSELESS ACTS OF VIOLENCE? I COULD GET USED TO THIS... FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"

* * *

Destination the third was an apartment not dissimilar to the one Eddie lived in. When Eddie knocked, he was greeted by a young woman who looked like she was probably in college, or a recent graduate. She responded to seeing a hat-less Santa on her doorstep at 8 PM on Christmas Eve about the way you'd expect.

"Oh, _Christ_."

Eddie smiled, and grabbed the gift out of his bag, while the young woman laughed in spite of herself.

"This gift is for... uh... Antigone?" he said, pronouncing it the way you probably did the first time you read the title of the classic Greek tragedy, before your English teacher corrected you.

"Antigone," she said with the correct pronunciation, in a tone that indicated that she was very, very used to people mangling it. " _Never_ allow a classics professor to suggest baby names."

"I'll make a note of that. Here you go."

Antigone opened the package, and smiled when she saw it was a set of fancy, colored pens.

"My boyfriend must've arranged this," she said. "He went to be in New Jersey with his family for the holiday."

"Well, that's nice of h--oh, God..."

Eddie suddenly stumbled on his feet, leaning against her doorframe and clutching his stomach. All of a sudden, his stomach felt like it was twisting in on itself.

He must've looked awful, because Antigone immediately set her gift down and reached to steady him.

"Whoa, hey--you okay?" she asked. "You're kinda green."

"Sorry, sorry, I must've--I think I ate something funny earlier--" Eddie was, without a doubt, going to be sick in the next twenty seconds. "Can I use your bathroom?"

Antigone, thankfully, immediately stepped aside and let him in. Eddie made a mad dash to the bathroom, tossing the gift bag onto the couch. He didn't even remember to close the bathroom door properly -- he just fell to his knees in front of the toilet.

The author has decided to spare you the details, but please understand that it was very, very gross. Eddie felt like absolute shit, and probably looked it. Once it finally slowed down, he croaked, "Venom -- talk, now."

Venom emerged from Eddie's shoulder, reaching around to look at him.

"YOU OKAY?"

"I just puked up about three-fourths of a Santa, do I _look_ like I'm fucking okay? What was that? We never get sick."

"PROBABLY SOMETHING _HE_ ATE GAVE US INDIGESTION. OR MAYBE IT'S THE FUR ON HIS SUIT. WE DON'T NORMALLY EAT FUR."

Eddie groaned, flushing the toilet and wiping his mouth. "I feel better, but I'm pretty sure there's still something in the pit of my stomach."

"YEAH, I THINK THAT'S THE HAT. IT WAS STUCK IN THERE PRETTY WELL."

Before Eddie could respond, he and Venom both stopped dead at the sound of someone's voice.

"Hey, are you okay in here? I brought you some tow-- _what the hell is that_?!"

Feeling the color draining from his face, Eddie looked up, still kneeling on the bathroom floor. Antigone had opened the door the rest of the way, holding some towels in her arms -- and she had most definitely spotted Venom, who was still hanging out on Eddie's shoulder. Brown eyes wide, she stood in the doorway, obviously waiting on an explanation. Or maybe for some sign she was dreaming. Probably both.

Eddie and Venom stared at Antigone. Antigone stared at Eddie and Venom.

"...TIME TO GO?" Venom guessed.

"Yep!"

Before anyone could say anything else, Eddie jumped to his feet, shoving his way past Antigone. Dashing towards the door, he just barely remembered to grab the bag off of her couch.

The last thing Antigone heard before the door slammed shut was the sound of a deep, garbled voice shouting at her, "THIS WAS JUST A DREAM! SOMETHING YOU ATE, PROBABLY! A BIT OF UNDIGESTED BEEF - A BLOT OF MUSTARD, A CRUMB OF CHEESE, A FRAGMENT OF AN UNDERDONE POTATO--"

(And, as soon as the door closed, she heard a decidedly more human-like voice snapping back, " _Really_?!")

* * *

The fourth package was addressed to a Betsy living in Glistening Meadows, the local retirement community. Betsy was apparently pretty well-off, since Eddie was directed to one of the larger apartments. Despite it being quite late by now, Betsy, who turned out to be a woman of about seventy, was still awake and alert. She smiled as soon as she opened the door.

"Merry Christmas!" Eddie said, holding up the package. He'd taken some time after running out of Antigone's apartment to clean himself up, and now looked significantly less like shit, which was good for his performance.

"Oh, how cute!" Betsy said with a laugh. She stepped aside and ushered him inside. "My grandson said he had a special surprise for me today. I'm guessing you're it?"

"I think so."

Eddie handed her the gift. Betsy's face lit up the instant she opened it. Her grandson had gotten her a DVD box set of some true crime show that Eddie sometimes watched when he couldn't sleep (which, nowadays, was often).

"That boy knows me very well," Betsy said to herself. She then gave Eddie another smile. "Thank you."

Eddie smiled back. "No problem. Hey, what's that smell?" Maybe it was because he'd just thrown up his dinner, but Eddie was now very, very hungry -- and the scent of cinnamon and sugar filling the apartment did _not_ help.

"Oh -- I was just fixing myself some snickerdoodles. Pillsbury, not homemade... Don't tell anyone."

"Your secret's safe with me. They smell great," Eddie said, now craving snickerdoodles. He'd have to stop at a grocery store on the way home.

Betsy, apparently reading his mind, offered, "They're probably cool enough to eat by now. Want one or two for the road?"

Eddie grinned. God, he loved Christmas. "If you're sure."

"I'll go get them." And with that, she turned and disappeared into the kitchen.

Eddie smiled as she went, allowing himself to relax. Betsy seemed really sweet, and compared to the last three deliveries, this one had gone really smoothly. Practically perfect in every way. Betsy returned only a minute later, bringing a sweet cinnamon scent with her.

"Here, take a couple--"

Naturally, this was when Venom chose to make a guest appearance, emerging from Eddie's shoulder with a bright red-and-white fur cap on his head.

"FOUND IT!" he announced, sounding quite pleased with himself. "HOW DO I LOOK?"

Eyes widening like a reindeer caught in the fireplace, Eddie looked back to Betsy, who had gone very, very pale. She stood there, tray of cookies in hand, staring at the symbiote.

"...So. Um." Eddie gestured towards his companion. "This is Venom. Venom, Betsy."

"NICE TO MEET YOU."

Betsy screamed for exactly ten seconds, before falling to the floor in a dead faint. The cookies clattered all over the tile floor, scattering every which-way.

"...WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID? OH, LOOK, FREE FOOD..."

* * *

 Eddie and Venom arrived at the last stop with a lifetime ban from Glistening Meadows, although fortunately without another death on their hands. Betsy was physically okay when she came to a couple minutes later, but she'd promptly screamed at a now Venom-less Eddie to get out. They'd been quick to oblige, and were now headed to their fifth and final stop -- a room at the local hospital.

"WE NEED TO STOP LEAVING WITNESSES," Venom said, as Eddie rode the elevator up to the fourth floor. "THAT'S THREE PEOPLE SO FAR THAT HAVE SEEN ME AND LIVED TO TELL THE TALE."

"No one's gonna tell, probably," Eddie said. "Who would believe them?"

"YOU BETTER BE RIGHT."

The elevator doors opened, and Eddie made his way down the hall.

"Now, remember what we agreed--"

"I KNOW, I KNOW. NO MORE SURPRISE VISITS FROM VENOM."

"That's right. Especially not around the sick and/or elderly."

Reaching the room number that was scribbled onto the post-it, Eddie knocked on the door, peering inside. A very tired-looking woman was sitting at the bedside of a young girl, who couldn't have been older than twelve. It was clear, just from one glance at her pale, sallow skin and various tubes that were being fed into her skin, that this girl was _extremely_ sick. Not wanting to call attention to it, Eddie cleared his throat and got back into "happy Santa" mode as best he could.

"Ho ho ho! I have a gift for... let me see--" He grabbed the parcel from the bottom of the bag and read the tag. "Lauren!"

The girl in the bed smiled a little. "That's me," she said, beginning to sit up. Her mother pushed her back gently, whispering something about how she was supposed to stay lying down. Lauren tossed her mother an aggravated look, but obliged, flopping back down with a roll of her eyes.

Eddie handed Lauren the package, and watched silently as she tore the wrapping away, revealing a Barbie doll. Brand-new, still in the box... and suited for a girl approximately half Lauren's age. And clearly, Eddie wasn't the only one to think this. It was apparent within approximately three seconds that Lauren didn't like it. Still, she made an admirable effort to smile.

"Thank you," she said, looking to Eddie. "Who's it from?"

Even though he guessed that Lauren already knew, Eddie obligingly checked the tag. "Your dad."

"SANTA," Venom hissed from inside his head. "PLAY SANTA."

Resisting the urge to say _"shh!"_ out loud, Eddie added, "He sent a letter to the North Pole and asked me to pick it up, just for you!"

Lauren snorted. "Right. Tell him I said thanks."

" _Lauren_..." her mother said. The woman gave Eddie a grateful glance. "Seriously, thank you. You must have been busy all day today."

"Oh, it's no problem. Always happy to make the deliveries!"

"Should I give you a tip, or--?" Even as she spoke, she was reaching for her purse.

Eddie shook his head. "Oh, no, no, no, that's not at all necessary!"

"Still, you've been running around so late--how about some cookies from the vending machine in the hall?" She tried for a smile. "No milk, unfortunately."

Eddie still felt a little funny accepting, but he had a feeling it'd just be rude to say 'no' now, so he nodded. "If you're sure."

"Lauren, honey, are you okay if I leave you here with Santa for a minute?"

"Oh my God, _Mom_!" Lauren looked about ready to sink into the floor.

Lauren's mom laughed. "I'll take that as a 'yes.' Be right back."

After she left, Eddie sat down in the chair next to Lauren's bed, feeling a bit awkward.

"Thanks for coming out here," Lauren said. "You probably have someplace you'd rather be."

"Well, I checked the list, and it said you've been an excellent girl all year--"

"You can stop that, you know," she said, rolling her eyes in the way that only an exasperated tween could. "I know Santa isn't real. And if he was, he wouldn't be a thirty-something in a fake beard. What's your name, anyway?"

Eddie sighed, pulling down the beard and dropping back into his normal voice. "Eddie. Eddie Brock... In all seriousness, I'm sorry. I could tell you didn't really like your gift." Lauren simply responded to this with a small shrug. "I'm sure your dad just wanted to get you something nice."

"Yeah, I know. It's just... I haven't been into dolls for years. I thought he'd know me better by now."

Eddie paused. "...When was the last time you saw him?"

"'Bout six months ago. Really soon after we found out I'm sick. He doesn't get down here much... he moved to Seattle a couple years ago with his new family." Something about her matter-of-fact tone really, really upset Eddie, but he didn't say so. "I guess I was hoping he'd be able to visit today."

"But instead he sent you a doll."

"But instead he sent me a doll," she repeated. "God bless us, every one."

Eddie hesitated. There had to be a way he could make this better. He didn't have another gift on hand, but he had to try.

"If you're not into dolls anymore, what _are_ you into?" he asked.

Lauren paused, thinking it over. "I like aliens," she finally said.

Eddie couldn't help but smile. For once, luck was on his side.

"Aliens," he repeated.

"Yeah. I saw a thing about them on the former History Channel awhile ago, and now I've just been watching a whole bunch of movies and TV shows and stuff with aliens in 'em. Like _Star Trek_ and _War of the Worlds_ and stuff."

"...Do you think aliens are real?"

Lauren nodded. "Yeah! I mean, I don't see why they can't be."

Eddie's smile grew into a grin. "Can I tell you a secret?"

Lauren nodded again, leaning in a little closer.

"You're totally right," Eddie said. "Aliens _are_ real. I've met one."

She stared at him for a moment, before leaning back again and laughing, shaking her head. "Shut up, you're just making fun of me," she said.

"I'm not. And I can prove it." He looked over his shoulder to make sure Lauren's mom wasn't back yet. When he found that the hallway was still empty, he raised his voice. "...Venom, remember that thing I said about 'no guest appearances'? That's cancelled. Guest appearance, please."

After a brief pause, Venom emerged from Eddie's shoulder, still wearing the Santa hat. Baring all his teeth in a horrific-yet-endearing grin, he turned to face a now slack-jawed Lauren.

"HO HO H--"

" _Holy shit_!" Lauren exclaimed. 

"Language!" Eddie said, but he was ignored.

"I HOPE IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING THAT YOU CAN'T TELL YOUR MOM ABOUT THIS," Venom said.

Hesitantly, Lauren reached forward, giving Venom a poke. To Eddie's relief, the symbiote didn't seem to mind much. "Am I _dreaming_ this?"

"YOU MIGHT BE. I READ A THING THAT SAYS WE MIGHT ALL BE IN A COMPUTER SIMULATION."

" _When_?" Eddie asked.

"YOU WERE ASLEEP. I HAD INSOMNIA."

Lauren was still staring at Venom with great interest. "Where are you from? How--how did you get here?" Her gaze flicked between Eddie and Venom. "How did you two meet?"

"LONG STORY SHORT - I WAS ON A COMET, THEN I WAS HERE. MY BOSS WANTED TO TAKE OVER EARTH, BUT THEN I MET EDDIE AND WAS LIKE, _HMMMM... PASS_. SO WE BLEW HIM UP."

" _Awesome_."

"Check this out," Eddie said. "Venom, half-mask."

"COPY THAT."

Doing the thing where Eddie's face became half-Eddie, half-Venom, an action which could probably be better described, but it's late and I don't care, I _just_ don't fucking care, they grinned broadly at Lauren.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS, LAUREN."

"This," she said breathlessly, "is the best day _ever_."

"I ALWAYS AIM TO PLEASE."

"Sorry that took so long--" At the sound of her mother returning, Lauren quickly laid back down and tried not to look too excited, while Venom, in a rare moment of common sense, hid again. Lauren's mother walked back into the room, a few bags of candy in hand. "The vending machine was out of cookies, but they had M&Ms... I hope that'll--"

"Trust me, that works great," Eddie said. He took the bag from her and pulled his fake beard back up. Putting back on his Santa voice, he said, "Well, I had better run back to the workshop! I hope you two have a _very_ Merry Christmas."

"We will," Lauren's mother said. "Thank you, again."

"Yeah," Lauren added. "Thanks, Eddie."

Eddie and Lauren exchanged one more smile, before Eddie left, waving goodbye until he was out of sight. Venom waited until they were back in the safety of Eddie's car to speak again.

"WELL, THAT WAS FUN. NICE KID."

"Yeah," Eddie said.

"IT'S SORT OF FUN, HAVING A FAN. NOT THE SORT OF RECEPTION I'M USED TO."

"Aw, I bet if you were able to go public, you'd get all sorts of fans."

"DOUBT IT. I MEAN, I DON'T THINK MANY PEOPLE WOULD BE SO FOND OF A TALKING, SENTIENT PILE OF GOO WITH AN ELONGATED TONGUE..."

Eddie laughed. "Ohhhh man. I think you would be very... _very_ surprised."

* * *

The duo made it home five minutes past midnight, filled with milk, cookies, candy, and the remains of the Santa that Venom was currently digesting, because that was Eddie's life now. Collapsing on the couch, Eddie closed his eyes, listening to the sound of "Deck the Halls" being blasted at top volume on someone's car as they drove past outside.

"WELL," Venom said, "WE DID IT, EDDIE. WE SAVED CHRISTMAS."

"I mean... we also _ruined_ Christmas. Like. Not to rain on your parade or anything, but I don't think we get to pat ourselves on the back for just barely managing to fix a mess we caused. It's like being proud of throwing water on a guy _after_ you set him on fire."

There was a pause as Venom considered this.

"WE DID IT, EDDIE," he repeated, decisively and pointedly. "WE SAVED CHRISTMAS."

Eddie sighed, and decided to let him have this one. "We sure did, Venom. We sure did."

**Author's Note:**

> This is all your fault, Annie.
> 
> (This thing shouldn't exist, but since it does, I'd love to get some kudos or comments if you enjoyed it! I love validation.)


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